S02E05 Gülkiz: Fast Labour, Birth House, Redefining "Doing It Right" Postpartum

Gülkiz' resources are below

A wrong email address reshaped an entire birth story. We sat down with a scientist‑mum whose path wound from Berlin’s buzz to Zurich’s quiet trails, through months of trying to conceive, a surprise double‑line at dawn, and a chance discovery of a birth house (Geburtshaus Zollikerberg, in the Zurich, Switzerland area) that aligned with her values. 

What followed was a swift, deeply supported labour: hip squeezes practiced in class, affirmations in the bath at 1 a.m., a midwife’s steady calm when vomiting signalled progress, and a simple mirror that turned confusion into effective pushing. She cut the cord herself, sobbing with relief and power, then nested for two days while the team protected rest, food, and the golden hours.

The fourth trimester told a different story. Low milk supply, jaundice, and weight charts pulled her into relentless pumping and anxiety until a hard pivot to combo feeding brought her baby back to comfort—and brought her back to herself. Then came a quiet miracle: a neighbour and colleague with oversupply left pumped milk in the mailbox three times a day; in return, our guest tucked snacks and fruit into hers. That small, daily exchange felt like rediscovering a village in the middle of a city, a reminder that donor milk, formula, and friendship can coexist to support a thriving baby and a steadier parent.

We also wade into the tender parts most people avoid: how parental leave assumptions clash, why sleep deprivation can unravel even strong bonds, and what repair looks like when you’re still in the thick of it. Between early crawling, stop‑start workouts, and lingering illness, we talk honestly about postpartum depletion and the slow return of identity through help from her mum and the relief of adult conversation at work. If you’re curious about birth houses, hypnobirthing, partner roles in labour, donor milk, combo feeding, or simply how to build a real support system, this story delivers practical insight and hard‑won compassion.

If this resonated, follow and subscribe for more Swiss birth stories of birth stories in Switzerland and expert guidance, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. We’d love to hear your thoughts—tag @SwissBirthStories or send us your story at SwissBirthStories.com.

Resources: 

Birth House Zollikerberg, Birth House Zurich, Geburthaus Zollikerberg: https://geburtshaus-zollikerberg.ch/
Lilybee prenatal course: https://www.lilybee.ch/antenatal-classes/

Chapters

• 0:07 Meet the guest and hosts
• 1:30 Berlin to Zurich: life changes
• 4:21 Trying to conceive and tests
• 6:38 Positive test and sharing news
• 11:34 Pregnancy symptoms and movement
• 14:36 Birth house found by mistake
• 16:25 Preparing with courses and partners
• 17:45 Early labour at home
• 20:09 At the birth house: fast progress
• 22:44 Vomiting, waters, and calm care
• 24:47 Mirror-guided pushing breakthrough
• 26:55 Golden hours and gentle stay
• 29:06 Partner’s view and support
• 31:42 Postpartum feeding struggle
• 34:00 Combo feeding and donor milk neighbour
• 37:06 Community, culture, and milk siblings
• 39:03 Relationship strain and sleep loss
• 42:06 Returning to movement and illness
• 44:08 Grandparents, help, and work reset
• 47:35 Most brilliant moment and closing
• 51:26 Subscribe, review, and connect

Transcript

Julia: 0:07

Hi, welcome to Swiss Birth Stories. I'm Julia Neal, mother, perinatal educator, hypnobirthing coach, and trainee doula.

Christine: 0:17

And I'm Christina Bliven. I'm a doula, baby wearing consultant, childbirth educator, and mother of three. Today we're talking to Good, a molecular biology postdoc and mother of a six-month-old baby girl. She talks about the importance of movement and pregnancy and how a mistaken email address led to her choosing to birth in a polychabetic birth house. She takes us through her surprisingly quick birth, her husband's support during labor, and the relationship challenges that crept up postpartum. She also opens up about her struggles with milk production and the unexpected heartwarming bond she formed with her neighbor, who had an oversupply. Her neighbor would leave pumped milk in her mailbox, and in return, she'd tuck little snacks and treats in as a thank you. Hello, good kids. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for inviting me. Would you mind starting off just by introducing yourself, your family, where you're from? Of course.

Gülkiz: 1:19

So um I'm Girkhuz Baitec. Uh Barbini is my um surname that was added through my Italian husband. So um I'm from Turkey and um I moved to Germany to do my PhD, and I met my husband there in a party, actually. Uh yeah, Berlin was the place that we met, and we love living there. We lived there for six years, and it was really exciting to live there, and I was really, really happy to be there and doing my PhD, uh, falling in love. It was really great. And then during the pandemic, something changed, like um everything was closed, and we both wanted to move to a city that was more in nature, and so we wanted to go out more and do things like in nature. Uh, something was changing in us, and we got married there during the pandemic, actually, uh, with just four guests. Uh, because we wanted to, yeah, like because I'm Turkish and uh I needed the uh residence permit to move uh to a European country. We decided to get married. It wasn't a very romantic decision, but uh we just yeah spoke and said it was the most uh logical thing to do. And we got married in 2020 in December, 2nd of December, which was it was the date that we met actually, also three years earlier, yes. Um and then we I started applying to some um labs in Switzerland in ETH, and my husband also found a job in Zurich. He's an architect, so we both moved to Zurich. Um we both found jobs and moved to Zurich at the same time, like it was really a good coincidence. Um, and then like a year or two years later, we I mean we were both unsure about having a baby or not, because we really love traveling and um living our lives, like having parties and stuff. I mean, I think if we stayed in Berlin, it was still gonna be a question. But in Zurich, we thought there is nothing else to do, like it was a bit like after living in Berlin, moving to Zurich was really boring for us.

Julia: 4:02

I love that because when you go up onto mountains as well, you're like, yeah, I'm gonna go hiking, and then you see all these families hiking, and you're like, ah, well, maybe I guess they're doing it.

Gülkiz: 4:12

Yes, I think this was the main uh push for us. I love it. Yeah, we we decided okay, let's try. And then I I uh noticed some like I went to the gynecologist with this um idea that I want to get pregnant, and then um I had some uh mioms and polyps in my uterus, and it was she told me that it was gonna be difficult to have it uh naturally. And I think I mean I was really, really sad. Um and I think this comment made me have a baby even more. Like I want, I was like, okay, she's telling me that I cannot do it naturally because as a person I'm also a bit like this. If someone tells me that you cannot do something, I'm like, no, I chat. That's me. So I was um yeah, really like reading a lot what to do. I was using these ovulation sticks to really track what my ovulation, and we were trying to do it on the right time, and I I had a lot of apps that like to track everything and stuff. I I was a bit uh seeing it from a scientific point of view, also super romantic, huh? Yes, I think our relationship doesn't have the romantic, like the beginning was very romantic, but then our characters came into the picture. Um so yeah, we tried I think for a year in total, uh, but of course, after six months, because I'm 35 years old now, and back then I was 33, 34, and the doctor recommended me that we would do more tests um after six months of trying. And then we also had like, I don't know, sperm tests or all these things, and we were already planning um, yeah, maybe we will have uh intervention, like I don't know, maybe IBF or other things. We were already searching for these things, and um it was Easter, and we decided to stay in Zurich. It was, I think, March towards the end of March, 30th of March or something, and it was my ovulation day, and we were just at home, like uh trying, trying. And then in April 13th, and I was always really curious to see if I was pregnant, and I would like after two or three weeks, I would already start uh checking doing this um yeah, pregnancy tests. And one morning uh I woke up at 6, I think, and then I was like, okay, today is the day I will do the pregnancy test. I did the pregnancy test and I saw two lines, and I was like, no, no, no, like I was I'm getting goosebumps now, right now, thinking what I felt. And um I he was obviously sleeping, and I woke him up, I was like, look, look, I have two lines, and he was like, Are you sure? And I uh texted to my doctor and I was asking her if if it could be wrong or something, and she told me those tests are quite reliable, but still I didn't believe in that. I was like doing this test, I don't know, other times every day, like trying to see if there was an increase in the color of the line and stuff. And then I went to the doctor, um, she told me there is no sex yet. Like it was so early that I discovered I was pregnant, I was not an embryonic sec. And then I was still nervous. Yeah, maybe it's going to be a bit longer and stuff. And then I noticed like it was seven weeks, I think. I went to the doctor again and I learned that I was pregnant. I heard the heartbeats and stuff, it was very emotional, obviously. And then uh I wanted to wait till um yeah, till which which week do you wait for three months, right?

Julia: 8:48

To be sure that the the like conventional sort of advice is is 12 weeks, but like you know, you can do you, yes.

Gülkiz: 8:59

I mean, to to tell to my parents and to my husband's uh family, we waited that much.

Julia: 9:07

Uh how was this period of waiting for you guys? You tried for this for so long. Yeah, it was. How was that period like? Was it exciting? Was it nice to keep it private, or were you feeling really anxious?

Gülkiz: 9:20

I I told to my sister the day that I discovered I have a younger sister, she's two years younger than me. I told her and to my very close friend, but I didn't want to talk to my parents because they didn't even know that we were trying, you know, uh, because they always thought that I wouldn't have a baby. Actually, my mom was super, super surprised when I told her. Uh I told them, uh, because I also made a surprise. I went to Turkey and it was, I stayed there for 10 days, and I told them that I was pregnant on the seventh day. Um, because I didn't want them to always be like, don't do this, don't do that, because they are really um yeah, uh like that. And uh yeah, I I was yeah, I I put uh this photograph of uh my baby in a little box, and I told them that I have a gift for them. We were having a picnic, and then they were like, Oh, what is it, what is it? And they were like shaking the the box, and then I even have a video of this moment, they were super surprised, like they were my mom was crying, and she was really happy, and it was a really nice moment when I told them as well. Um, yeah, and and we came back. We did the same trick to my husband's uh family. We went to Italy and uh we told them there uh with the same surprise, uh, and they were also really happy. Um then yeah, the surprise was revealed, and we started uh like waiting for the birth. I I mean this from the third month till the end, I don't remember many things. Like it was very quick, I think. I mean, it actually now that I started working, there are many things that I have to put effort to remember because I have also other things in my mind, but yeah.

Julia: 11:29

Um do you remember how you felt in your pregnancy?

Gülkiz: 11:34

The beginning was um I I was feeling very nauseous and I didn't have appetite. I never uh threw out or something, through threw up or something. Um, but yeah, I wasn't really, I lost a lot of weight, I wasn't eating much, and yeah, it was really but my doctor told me, yeah, you don't worry because the embryo uh will grow even if you don't eat much, because yeah, they don't have this connection.

Julia: 12:04

Yeah, they'll take from mom though, they'll take from you, right? Yes, exactly.

Gülkiz: 12:12

So I was trying to eat potatoes bread or something, these things. But I mean, it wasn't a very difficult pregnancy because uh except this beginning in the first few weeks, because I really like exercising. Like I was running still at nine months. I could run like four kilometers or so very slowly. Yes.

Christine: 12:38

I can't do that not pregnant. I'm in progress.

Gülkiz: 12:44

No, but I I I ran a half marathon and like I was running a lot, and I also really like doing other exercises, so I kept moving during my pregnancy. Even the day before birth, I was uh still doing these pregnancy exercises. Yeah, there is a YouTube channel that I followed. Um, I was doing something every day almost to feel good um mentally and also physically because towards the end it was really like this. I think I gained 17 or 18 kilograms, and my muscles were not ready for it. So um I really paid attention to move all the time because I knew that this would also make um the birth easier, and I really wanted to give birth naturally. So yeah, I'm in in general, I'm a very methodic person. I just read what I had to do and then research, and then I just uh apply it to get the results.

Christine: 14:03

Hi, I'm Christina, a doula, baby wearing consultant, childbirth educator, and mother of three. I'm the owner of Lily Bee, a family hub in Zurich where you can find resources, community, and support in English as you begin your journey into parenthood. It takes a village. Find yours here.

Julia: 14:25

What other kinds of um preparations were you doing for birth and the transition to motherhood? And how um how did you make your choice on where to give birth?

Gülkiz: 14:36

So actually, it was a bit of a um luck that we found the birth house because um we thought we were sending an email to the hospital to have the preparation, and then like this email turned out to be the email address of the birthhouse because we we kind of mixed it up, and now that's how oh my gosh, I love that. Yeah, it's wild. Actually, learned that there's something like a birth house because in Turkey or in Italy we don't have that, so um, I never imagined that there is a place that you can give birth, but it's not a hospital. Um, so then like when we got the reply, we started researching, and then I was like, oh wow, I love that. And I was also reading these books about hypnobirthing and breathing exercises, and there also I could see that there were other people doing that in other countries. So um I was really excited actually that we figured out this thing, and I know that it's very difficult to get a place there, like you really need to send an email or inform them way earlier than your birth. And it's actually um also um coincidence that it was opened just a year ago or something, when I before I figured it out. So um it was meant to be, I I will give birth there. So um it was really uh something like this. And then and then we uh had a birth preparation course from Christine. It was also really amazing because uh the things that we learned there, um I used we used them a lot when I was when I started having contractions and they they were quite helpful. So I really recommend everyone to get a birth preparation course. Um it prepares a lot, uh also like with the partner, because uh, when you're alone and um you are having these uh contractions and stuff, and you want somebody to help you, if your partner doesn't know, um it's very difficult to explain him at that moment what like what to do, it's impossible. So it was really nice that we went to that course together, so he also knew what to do because we also had like um these um demonstrations, like uh we practiced those things in the course, so um that was quite helpful when I was having contractions.

Christine: 17:31

Um and that was while you were still at home, yes.

Gülkiz: 17:36

So yeah, maybe I can start talking about uh yeah, how it started, how did you know things were warming up? Actually, it was like looking back, it was really a textbook uh like you would read it in a textbook book and it happened like that. Like it was really amazing. I was quite lucky. Um, so around 1 a.m. I I lost my mucus plug and I started having like uh a lot of back pain in my hips. I never had any pain uh in my belly, and I was always like whenever I had a symptom, I was googling, asking ChGPT, is it normal? Is it normal? And yeah, and some people just had pain in their hips and not on the belly. So um I was having a lot of pain around my hips, and um like in um I don't know, 15 minutes uh uh yeah, intervals. And um then my husband and my parents were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake them up because I also didn't know if it was real or if it was really starting. Um yeah, because it was the first time I didn't know what to think about it. I just went to the bathroom, um, had a long bath, like half an hour or something. Um and I started listening to these affirmations on Spotify. Uh, like my baby is um, yeah, I'm having these contractions uh because uh yeah, they have a function, they are preparing and to uh hug my baby, and yeah, these things were really helpful for me. Um, and I already found them before uh like I was like, okay, when I have contractions, I can listen to those. And there were also some that uh was like telling me how to breathe uh with counting and stuff, so I was doing those things when I started having contractions and and yeah, pain in brackets. Um and and this lasted like I don't know, four three hours. I was alone, and then eventually I um started tracking the intervals of the contractions, and they were getting shorter and shorter. It was, I think, 10 minutes at some point, and I woke my husband up, and he was um doing these hip sequizzes that uh Christine showed us, and it was really uh helping me a lot because I mainly had pain around my hips. Um, and whenever I was having a contraction, he was squeezing my hips, and he was going back to the bed, and I was on the floor like waiting for the next one. And uh yeah, my parents woke up around 7, 8, and we they had breakfast. They were also like yeah, recommending me to eat, but I couldn't eat. I couldn't even imagine like eating something. Um then around 12 we decided like it was every five minutes. Uh we decided to go. We called an Uber and went to the birth house. Then the birth was amazing. I mean, if I have another birth, I will try to do it there again. It was really, really nice. Like they just uh put me in a bed, uh like warm bed, and I was there for a while. Uh, my husband was giving me food massage and like um yeah, holding my hands, and he was really um very present in every stage of the birth. Um I mean, sometimes I didn't want him to touch me, although like I just wanted to be very focused on breathing and stuff. So I would tell him, like, just go away, and he would do that. Like it was really nice. He was really helpful, he did whatever I wanted him to do. Um then it started, I think, around uh 2 p.m. Like so from 12 to 2 p.m. Actually, my midwife told me, um, yeah, it will take a while till you go to the pushing phase. So I will go to the hospital to do some paperwork, I mean, or somewhere, and uh I will be back, she said. And it was going so fast when she came back. Uh she was really surprised. She was like, Oh my god, this is going so fast. Like you're already going to the pushing phase. And it was 2 p.m. Uh, I started feeling the something different, like it was more a pressure than uh like uh contraction that I felt around my hips. Um then oh then I I threw up, and then my midwife said, Okay, maybe you are four centimeters open. Actually, this happened when it was still the so I mean the the because I never lost any liquid, and I was like, okay, there should be some amnonic uh liquid that is coming out. Uh like where is it? And then when I was throwing up, uh it also yeah, came out like it was liquid everywhere.

Julia: 23:24

Yes, birth birth can be quite messy, yes, yes, very messy.

Gülkiz: 23:29

Like I wouldn't recommend anyone watching this happening before giving birth, I think, because it it like it looks scarier than yeah how it feels.

Julia: 23:43

Um and I think sometimes um vomiting during during labor is is actually very common. And I think for people who've who are who have a fear of vomiting, which is really normal, actually. Like this is a very normal fear, people it's a very unpleasant thing when you're because usually you associate vomiting with being sick in a situation, you're not sick. There is a function, you're just clearing, you're clearing your system out, and you really um if you're if you're able to connect with that sort of animalistic part of yourself, it just happens, it's just a part of it, and midwives are used to it.

Gülkiz: 24:17

Yes, yeah. My midwife was really like I I was sometimes uh ashamed of the things that were happening, and she was so um open and calm, and she was really um yeah, experienced. It was it was amazing to see her like very calm and uh doing what she had to do, and yeah, it made me really feel super calm, and it was amazing. And then I started um yeah, the the pushing stage arrived, and I didn't know how to breathe actually, because doing this transition from uh deep breaths to pushing breaths is really difficult for uh it was very difficult to understand for me. I don't know why. Um it took a while, and I think it was also uh because I was really tired uh at that point. Uh I didn't eat, I didn't have any calories, and I also lost uh liquids, and um, I think this was making it a bit difficult for me to focus. Um and then at some point my midwife told me, look, if if the pushing phase is going other 40 minutes uh more, we have to think about going to the hospital. She told me. And I was like, oh my god, no, this cannot happen. And I was so focused at that point. And she also suggested me to like she asked me if I want to see it with a mirror because um I didn't know um what was happening there with the the like different types of breedings I was uh doing. So she like my husband took the mirror and he was holding it there, so I could see when I did the right one what was happening there, and then it changed completely. It was a game changer. I was like, okay, this is the thing that I have to do, and in like I think 40 minutes, my daughter was born, like it was really quick after that.

Julia: 26:29

Were were you in the water and using the mirror, or were you out? Were you out of the water?

Gülkiz: 26:34

Yes. Um, I think after one hour and a half, I couldn't stay in the water anymore. Yeah, it was too warm and I wanted to move.

Julia: 26:45

And so when you had the mirror, you could finally actually see like the results of your work and see, okay, this is working. Yes, that's amazing.

Gülkiz: 26:53

That was amazing, and I could see the hair of my daughter.

Julia: 26:56

Oh, how amazing!

Gülkiz: 26:58

The first time you get to see if she has hair or not, right? Yes, and it was dark, like I was always like because my husband was uh is blonde, I was like, hmm, maybe our daughter will be blonde. And I I saw like uh dark hair, and I was like, mom, she has dark hair.

Julia: 27:17

How motivating is that to know you're so close to meeting her that you can see her hair? Yeah, it's amazing.

Gülkiz: 27:22

I saw it on the mirror, and it was really like this. I mean, if someone is listening to me, they should try it. I mean, my midwife told me some people don't want to see things, it's scary for them to see um what's going on there. But for me, it was really helpful and I loved it. I loved seeing it that um it was proceeding because when I see I'm more motivated to yeah, do things, and it was working for me at least.

Julia: 27:58

Amazing. So she's on your chest. Tell us what happens next.

Gülkiz: 28:02

Um, she was on my chest, and our midwife asked uh my husband if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. Um, and he said, no, he should cut it. Like she did all the work, and then I I cut the umbilical cord myself, and yeah, it was really I was crying so much. Like the uh it was a really big relief and also happiness at the same time. I was like, I think there is no words to describe this feeling because of the hormones. I mean, it's the first time that you have such hormonal change in your life, I think. Um it it was really a magical moment. Um and I believe, like, because after all these things, and my placenta also arrived really uh fast afterwards, so everything was just amazing afterwards, and uh in in in the in uh birth house they were really I mean we didn't do anything, we were just enjoying our baby. They were bringing us food, like changing her diaper, taking care of her. They wanted me to rest and eat and drink, you know, they were just serving us uh for two days. It was G amazing.

Julia: 29:47

Julia here. It's my mission over at Happy Day to mentor and support you in creating a pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience that is empowering, holistic. And uniquely tailored to your needs. Together, we'll uncover the tools and knowledge you need to thrive, with confidence, mindfulness, and self-compassion at the core of your journey. That's the reason why I offer my three Hallmark courses to parents in person in the Zurich area and online. They are Hypnobirthing Plus, Mindful Postpartum Preparation, and Hypnobirthing for Planned Caesarean Birth. Check out my website, happydayhypnobirthing.ch or Instagram at happydaybumpsbabesbeyond for more details, useful content, and support. Now, on to this week's Swiss birth story. And was your partner with you the whole time?

Gülkiz: 30:49

Yes. Yeah, he he witnessed everything. And afterwards, he told me because he was like he was speaking about these things with his friends, and his friends were telling things like, oh, it was so uh difficult for me to see um what was happening there. I was almost gonna throw up, and I was painting, all these things. But he told me that he was just fine, like he didn't have anything um negative, like he was there to just help me, and it was also very nice for him to be with me, he said. So yeah, I I think I was very lucky that he was also very calm and connected with me.

Christine: 31:37

And what was the transition like going home then?

Gülkiz: 31:41

So I think this was like after birth was a more difficult time for me, like more than the pregnancy and the birth because I never had um so much milk. Like I really wanted to breastfeed my um daughter, just breastfeeding, you know. I I was very obsessed with it. I think now looking back, I shouldn't have been, but I wanted to breastfeed her. I was doing everything, like all the methods, pumping and all everything. For two months, I I just wanted to do that and not give any other thing. And then she was uh look like she wasn't on the line and she got also janders. Um she lost some weight and then she couldn't recover because of the mead, I think. Um, so she was when she was two months old, she was at the third percentile, and I was freaking out. I was really not going out. Um, I was just pumping, feeding, pumping, feeding, pumping, feeding. I was really in a bad uh mental space in this uh first two weeks, uh two months, and then um something just clicked and I said, Okay, I'm gonna give her formula. I mean, when she was third at the third percentile, I said, okay, she needs more milk. And then I gave her formula and she was gaining weight, and I was so relieved. Um and then I I I was questioning why I was so fixated on this idea to just give breast milk. Like, I don't know, I was mad at myself, but I I also had this uh, yeah, I don't know. I was alone, like I I didn't have any family. My mom stayed with me for the first three weeks, and then she actually first three weeks she was gaining quite good weight, my daughter. And um after my uh mom left, um my husband was working the whole day, so I was at home alone with her, and it was really difficult for me mentally, and um, it was winter, dark, snow, rain, like we couldn't go out much. I was always like going out, doing sports, being active, you know, from dead to bed. It was really um difficult for me.

Julia: 34:20

I think that I think you should have a lot of self-compassion for um the choices you made because it was just the start, you know, the journey that you went on and and your story together. Um, I think that that decision though can be really hard, especially if you have this image in your mind and the birth goes so well, pregnancy going so well. Well, then of course, breastfeeding is going to go so well. And when it doesn't, you you really sort of confront a lot of things in society, but also in yourself, you know, like you really it yeah, that sounds like a bit of a reckoning. That must have been really hard. Uh after were you did you decide to combo feed, or was it um formula and then a weaning? How how did that process look like for you guys?

Gülkiz: 35:07

Um, so it was a combo feeding. Um, I would give formula, I think twice a day, and then I would continue with I'm still breastfeeding her. Um, yeah, I really want her to be breastfed. Like I really like this idea. And also my colleague, this was really a like perfect like coincidence. My colleague and neighbor at the same time, she also gave birth uh two and a half months later, and she has so much milk you cannot imagine. Like she's giving um three times a day um pumped milk to my daughter. Oh, amazing! Yes, like uh, and like I'm I'm vegetarian and she's vegan, uh, so I'm really happy like that. She like also the um the way how we eat are similar, so um it's really an amazing coincidence. Um yeah, so she's giving milk to my daughter still.

Julia: 36:18

This like awakens. I I have an undergraduate degree in anthropology, and so this like awakens this um idea. A lot of cultures all over the world live in communities of lactating women. So if you have women who maybe don't produce as much milk as their sister or their cousin or their neighbor, it kind of all equals out in the end, you know, because we live in this community of women lactating and sharing our babies and creating these milk siblings as well. And some cultures, you know, that means that your your children are now sort of bonded. And I and I and I just love that. I can't, I I wish everyone for a friend like this or a situation where maybe it's breast milk or maybe it's who knows, whatever it is, right? Like just these communities, you you you can't that exits us from sort of uh so many systems that are really oppressive, you know, and now oh, this is so wonderful.

Gülkiz: 37:08

Yeah, she's amazing, really. I mean, I we were already very close, and I mean, we wouldn't have known that she will have a lot of milk, and I won't. It just um happened naturally. Like I was joking to her, something like, uh, yeah, I wish um my daughter could have your milk. Uh, because her her baby was growing so well, but um I was like, Wow, like I think they have like almost three months' difference, and at some point they were almost the same weight. And I was like, Oh my god, how can this happen? I wish my daughter could have your milk. Uh like I said something like this as a joke, and she was like, Yeah, I actually wanted to. I I mean, um, if it's a joke, forget what I'm saying, but I also wanted to ask you if you would want something like this, because she also didn't want to ask me directly to you know to not hurt my feelings, I think. And um, I was like, of course, I would love to have such a thing, and she started doing that two, three times a day. She's still doing that. Um, and I have this feeling of like I feel responsible to feed her, so I always give her like nuts. Like, we have this post box. She uh puts the bottles into my box, and then I put to her box like some food, fruits, nuts.

Christine: 38:43

This is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I love this so much. I will feed you snacks if you will feed my baby. Wow.

Julia: 38:55

How has the transition to motherhood and to family been for you guys in these last six months or so?

Gülkiz: 39:02

Um, we had ups and downs. Yes, of course. Like I had um yeah, I was quite disappointed that my husband had to work so much, and I kind of blamed him that he left me alone. I mean, I understood also that he had had to work, but um yeah, I I kind of felt that he should have been more present. Um, but I think he had this idea of yeah, now I'm the father, I have to feed my family. Like, I don't know. I I felt something like this in him because he was not working as much in the past. Um so we had a lot of fights and discussions. Um I even felt so disconnected at some point, I was like, I I think I want to get divorced. So like I was feeling really intense about the situation. Um I I think we still didn't recover from that. Like it's it's an ongoing process. At the moment, my mom is here, um, so I'm a bit calmer. And I also started work, so it's different than being always at home. Um now I'm getting a bit more um, I'm becoming like myself again. Um but I think we still have to work on many things, like these things that had that was said and um discussions and stuff. Um we need to talk about them. But actually, we had also a lot of trips, like uh my daughter traveled to like she took the plane nine times, I think, because we went to Turkey um three times and then to Portugal, to Spain, to Italy, um, to Germany. Um, so we were traveling a lot um with her, and she also likes travel to travel a lot, like she's really happy to see new people. She's she's such a social baby. I'm really impressed that like when we go out in Viticon, there is no one on the streets in general, but when there is one person walking towards us, I can see her like getting excited, moving her like feet.

Christine: 41:37

You can tell their personality so early.

Gülkiz: 41:40

Yes, she's she's super social. The only thing that I uh would change in her is her sleeping routine. She doesn't sleep much at night, and this is really uh difficult at the moment that I started working.

Christine: 42:00

That also doesn't help relationship conflict usually because we're usually not our best when we haven't slept properly, and that just accentuates makes everything worse.

Gülkiz: 42:11

Uh that's really true. I think that's also another reason why we are so fans with each other.

Julia: 42:19

Um thank you so much for sharing for sharing this. I think that it's a part of postpartum that I mean, we hardly talk about postpartum anyway, but like talking about the changes in relationships and how and how um the the the fact is when you've had a baby, the woman has the one who's had the baby has had the baby. It is no, it is not 50-50. Like you there's nothing, there's there's no you can imagine these ways to make it 50-50, but they're just you you cannot do that. There's always going to be a primary parent, at least in the first year. And this can cause so much upheaval like in the relationship, right? Like things can change and uh and it it's so hard when you've known this person and suddenly it's so different. And yeah, I think his feelings and the the way that uh the way that things are going with you is it's very normal. It happens to everyone, but we never talk about this. Like this is something we never talk about about, right? And it's so fresh, right? You've it's only been six months, yeah. And the first year is so intense with sleep, with changes, with yeah, breastfeeding. I mean, just the act of breastfeeding, even if it is part-time, is so you cannot you can't like make it equal somehow. It's just not like that.

Gülkiz: 43:47

And I think the moment that I discovered, like I was the most disappointed when I discovered that he thought I think most men think like that. He thought that um these four months of maternal leave was for me to take care of the baby, and and I was like, no, I also have to heal, like I need help. Um like I'm it's not just me, I'm there looking after a baby, it's me also who needs to heal. And he I mean he understood that, but um, he didn't think about that. He just thought that I was there to take care of a baby for uh doing my maternal leave, and that was my assigned job, like um, yeah, it's very abstract for for for both partners, right?

Julia: 44:47

Maternity, the idea of maternity leave is very abstract. We don't understand what it entails, and um and yeah, that's a huge part of it. Could you have you been able to find a way back to uh the sportiness and active lifestyle?

Gülkiz: 45:04

So actually, I I went back to sport um after obviously my midwife checked my body and said that I could uh continue um quite early. But the problem was that I was never um consistent because like I was trying to do it when she was sleeping, and then in the middle of what I was doing, she would wake up, this wasn't working, and then I tried when she was awake and tried to also entertain her while I was doing sports. Um when she started crawling, this also didn't work, and she started crawling um very early, like five and a half months.

Julia: 45:47

Oh my gosh, she is so she's such an explorer, like she sounds like so yeah, she's already um like holding something and standing up.

Gülkiz: 45:59

Wow, yeah. I don't know how this was possible.

Julia: 46:06

Amazing, she's got an active mummy, yeah.

Gülkiz: 46:09

That's true. Maybe because I was always active during my pregnancy, she learned something from me, but yeah, now I'm back to work and I I think not sleeping, not doing uh sports because I think I lost a lot of muscle weight, um and like yeah, being sick so long, uh also breastfeeding. I I was never sick so long, like uh I I'm coughing all the time at night still. Um it's gonna be a month that I'm sick and it's not recovering. I think this is also mainly mothers' um experience that this immune uh deprivation, like I don't know what it's called, but yeah, depletion.

Julia: 47:01

I mean, there's uh the postpartum depletion is there.

Gülkiz: 47:06

Yeah, also during pregnancy, I was really sick multiple times. Um this is all this was also quite difficult to work and being sick and pregnant, yeah.

Julia: 47:20

Yeah, in pregnancy and in breastfeeding, the baby will always take what they need, but then what's left for mom is really important, yeah. Like the yeah, yeah.

Gülkiz: 47:33

Sometimes I'm like, it's too much to handle, and then I see her, she's very cute, she's smiling and stuff. I'm like, okay, it's worth it.

Julia: 47:44

It's really intense, you know. The start is it's really, really, really intense. There's there's really nothing nothing like it, but I love the idea of her little personality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really sweet. Um how sorry, how has it been having your mom here for help?

Gülkiz: 48:04

Um, my mom and my husband are getting along quite well. It's not the same for my father, though. So, for example, when my father was here with my mom when I gave birth, I also had a lot of difficulties because my husband would complain and I had to be in between, like explaining. And uh, I mean, when you are postpartum, just like gave giving birth, and also taking care of this stuff, it was really difficult for me. Um, so but with my mom, it's really nice. She's so amazing with my daughter. My daughter loves her, and um, my husband is also really good with her, like they just match, so it's it's very good at the moment. I'm I'm calmer, and um, yeah.

Christine: 48:57

Having somebody else there to take some of the load is is helpful also just for your mental health.

Gülkiz: 49:05

Yes, yeah, that's really nice, and uh also coming back to work and seeing friends, thinking of something else, like other than what the baby needs. Having adult conversations using your brain, yes, I mean actually it's taking some time, like I I'm not fully using my brain yet, I think.

Julia: 49:29

And you shouldn't have to take your time, take that time before we uh say goodbye. We do have one final question for you, and that is in this whole transition of this pregnancy, lead up to birth, birth, and postpartum, what would you say has been your most brilliant moment?

Gülkiz: 49:52

Um pregnancy postpartum.

Julia: 49:55

Just in this whole transition that you've had, like what's something that really sticks out at you as being like, wow, I did that, or like something that that uh catches you off guard when you're I think it's the birth, the moment that she came out, like I was really wow, I did that without any medical intervention.

Gülkiz: 50:21

I mean, I think I could do it even at home looking at this, you know. Um I felt really powerful there, it was amazing.

Julia: 50:35

Gilki, thank you so much for this conversation. It's been really, really great. I'm really grateful for everything that you talked about here. Thank you.

Gülkiz: 50:43

Thank you for doing such a thing. It's really important. I mean, if I had your podcast when I was pregnant, I would definitely be one of the uh the subscribers because I I really looked for it a lot. There were uh some, yeah, there was one that I found from uh Sweden or Norway, but the most of them were um like you you would need to pay, and um it's really great what you're doing, and yeah, thank you for doing that. Thank you.

Julia: 51:26

Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Swiss Birth Stories. If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd love for you to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an inspiring birth story or expert insight. Your support means the world to us and helps this community grow. So please also take a moment to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more parents to be. Don't forget to share this episode with a friend or loved one who could benefit from it. And be sure to follow us on social media at SwissBirth Stories for even more tips, resources, and updates on upcoming podcast guests, courses, and events. We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and birth stories too. So feel free to DM us, fill out the form on our website, SwissBirthstories.com, or tag us in your posts. Until next time, keep sharing, keep learning, and keep connecting with each other.